8 Tips on How to Be an Effective Man
Be almost as manly and successful as Frank J. Fleming
So I keep seeing these people like Andrew Tate and others online giving advice to young men and how to be a really effective and financially successful man, but I’m not so sure about their advice. Then I got to thinking: Who is the manliest, most successful man I know? Me, of course. So, I’m going to give my own advice on how to be a real man’s man, winning at everything he does.
For my female readers, I’m sorry this probably won’t be very useful to you. I’ll write a new women’s guide again someday.
Tips on How to Be an Effective Man
Wake up when the rooster crows. To be successful, you have to be awake. Little beta males use alarm clocks to get them up at like 9am or something, but you should be halfway through the day by then. What you need is a rooster who will get you up as soon as the sun is up. Maybe your landlord doesn’t allow chickens on the premise, though, so you’ll have to dress up the rooster in a suit and claim he’s your roommate named “Bill.” Custom, rooster-sized suits aren’t cheap, though, but it takes money to be successful.
Drink raw milk. You can’t just drink any milk; you need milk for a man. That means raw milk. You see, most milk these days is pasteurized and homogenized using a process invented by Louis Homogen. That takes all the extra milk goodness out of it, though. You want the raw, non-beta male milk. There is a chance you’ll get bovine tuberculosis, but if not, you’ll have calcium for your bones.
Sing to yourself the Meow-Mix song when women are talking. Being a cool, effective man, women are going to want to talk to you, but you can’t actually listen because women’s words will infect you with their ladiness. So just pretend to listen by singing in your head the Meow-Mix song and nodding along to the beat. It will make women feel listened to while protecting you from what they have to say.
Family, religion, friendship — these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to the maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church. Or synagogue.
Always be lifting weights. Part of being a man is being strong, and lifting heavy things is the way to get strong. It’s just science. You don’t have time to hang around a gym all day with all you need to do, so just constantly lift anything heavy around you. Books. Boxes. Furniture. Smaller people (this can be considered assault; consult with your lawyers). You’ll know you’re doing it right if you’re constantly tired. But the few times you aren’t tired, you’ll be really strong.
Own a sports car. The best way to show your success to the outside world and show what a better man you are is a cool sports car. But maybe you can’t afford a Porsche yet; in that case, get some decals of footballs and baseballs and put them on your Corolla. See all the sports on that car? It’s a sports car!
Always have a laptop in front of you. You’re busy and always doing business; show that to the world by constantly having an open laptop in front of you. And the more you stare at the laptop, the more business should occur. I’m not sure exactly how, though; if business isn’t happening, try a different program. Maybe open Excel.
Don’t let the emptiness overwhelm you in the middle of the night. Sometimes while being an effective man and succeeding at business and everything else you hold important, you may wake in the middle of the night and contemplate how pointless your entire existence is. This isn’t good because you need your sleep to succeed the next day (and that rooster is going to crow soon). You need to push those thoughts from your head. Just again sing to yourself the Meow Mix song if you have to.
There’s all my advice. Did it work? Are you successful?
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