A Frank Guide to Russia

Everything you need to know about Russia

Russia has been in the news a lot lately, but how much do we have to worry about it and its leaders? We used to be enemies in the Cold War, but where does Russia stand now after the fall of Communism?

There’s a lot to understand about Russia, so that’s why I made this guide.

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A Frank Guide to Russia

1. Where is Russia?

Russia is a country on the continent of Asia.

Wait, why does that seem so wrong?

I mean, it’s in Asia, right? Look at a map; it’s basically China’s Canada. So why does it feel so wrong to say it’s in Asia? I mean, if you told your wife you were picking up something Asian for dinner and returned with borscht, she would divorce you for being a weirdo.

And let’s just get to it: They look like Europeans. Sean Connery — a Scot — played a Russian in Hunt for Red October, and we all bought that despite him not even bothering with the accent. Know who we wouldn’t have bought as a Russian? Someone Asian guy like Chow Yun Fat — no matter how good his Russian accent was.

So I guess they’re European somehow. I mean, they seem more like Europe. Their written characters look more like European script — even with how they use a 3 as a letter — so they seem much more related to Europe.

Still, you can’t really say Russia is in Europe as Europe is far to the West of it. And Russia has territorial disputes with Japan. If any other European country had a territorial dispute with Japan, you’d know someone was way out of line. But with Russia, it’s legitimately hard to tell if some islands belong more with them or Japan.

Where even is the separation of Europe and Asia? One just kind of fades into the other at some point. I think I’ve seen some people call the whole landmass “Eurasia,” but it really does seem like it should be two different continents because the people on the Europe side are way different from the people on the Asia side. You don’t have any other continent where people are that different from one side to the other. But still, it’s like where does one end and one begin? Probably somewhere through Russia. But then most of Russia ain’t ending up on the Europe side, even though that seems more like where they belong.

Anyway, back to the question: Where is Russia? I’m afraid I have no idea even what continent it’s on, so I think I will have to end this guide. So sorry.