Our country is headed toward ruin.
I know a lot of people have been saying this for a long time, but that’s because it’s been true for a really long time. If I had to pinpoint, I’d say the decline started with the passage of the 16th Amendment in 1913.
So, since the decline has been going on for so long, think of how close we have to be to the bottom now. That means we need to do something radical to turn things around. And I know just what to do. And it’s simple.
Deport the whiners.
Whining has always been the biggest problem in our country, because we were specifically made to be a country for awesome people who achieve things, so whiners do nothing but drag us down. It was probably a bunch of whining about the wealthy that led to the 16th Amendment and income tax (and look at how we’ve all suffered from that).
Whining is time not spent achieving. Not only that, it irritates and slows down everyone else actually trying to use the opportunities of our great country. And finally, whining has led to the expansion of the government into a big bloated mess, since the usual response to whining is regulations and handouts.
And right now there is so much whining. We are richer and have more tech and opportunities than anyone in human history, and yet people whine more than anyone in human history. While many of us are trying to work and make things and innovate, we have people whining about billionaires or the Jews or data centers. So many of us are looking to the future, while the whiners try to drag us back.
So we need to get rid of the whiners. If someone is found to be a whiner, he or she needs to have citizenship revoked and be deported. I’ve argued before that we need to use Canada as our Siberia, but we can send them anywhere as long as it’s far away. I hear we’re working on a moon base — the moon would be a great place for whiners where they can’t bother us.
Now, some people may bring up a possible problem with this plan: Isn’t whining a First Amendment right protected by the Constitution? And you’re right that a still not conservative enough Supreme Court could see things this way.
But this is nonsense. Whining isn’t regular speech — it’s like dangerous assault speech. It doesn’t convey information — it simply irritates people who are actually trying to get things done in this country. The purpose of whining is to annoy people until they give in to the whiner’s demands, so it’s really an attack.
Still, I guess we’ll just have to pass a new Amendment clarifying that whining is not speech. Once we have that, we can start deporting people. I know ICE is busy with getting illegal aliens, but getting them out of the country simply isn’t as important as getting rid of whiners (unless they’re whiny illegal aliens, which I guess a lot are). We start rounding up anyone whining instead of doing, drop them on the other side of the border, and make big walls so they can’t come back in.
And that’s it. We do that — we successfully get rid of the whiners — and we will finally be that shining city on a hill. And probably a bunch of people outside the country will whine, “That city is too shiny — it’s hurting my eyes,” but we won’t hear them because the wall around our country is also soundproof.
What single policy would you choose to fix everything? You can’t choose “deport all the whiners” because I just did that one.