Best of the Bee: Part 10
The beginning of my last year
It’s the beginning of the end as we now go into my last year with The Babylon Bee. Here are my favorite articles I wrote from January to March of 2021.
Biden Suspected Of Wearing Earpiece After He Screams 'THERE IS A MAN SPEAKING INSIDE MY HEAD!!'
Biden humor is tougher than Trump humor. Trump has just a lot of fun mannerisms to play off of, but Biden is just old and a bit of a creep. Here’s me playing with some of the puppet accusations against him.
AOC Claims She Was Killed In The Capitol Riots And Is Now A Ghost
I’ll never tire of AOC is dumb jokes. Never. She was going on about her harrowing experience on January 6th despite being far from the action, and here is me leaning into that exaggeration. I love the recognizable crazy eyes in the image.
I liked my Frank T. Rutherford op-eds where I got to play the cranky old conservative, but none of them did very well except for this one. I think gulags were just a hot topic, and everyone loves making fun of how lazy and dumb the younger generations are.
I remember The Onion did a Bernie headline “Bernie Sanders Fills In For Factory Worker Unable To Take Time Off To Vote” and I was like, “Is this funny because he’s never worked an actual job in his entire life?” I think if Bernie Sanders ever had to do something useful, he would die instantly.
Rookie Mistake: Man Becomes Transgender After Holding Wife’s Purse For More Than 10 Seconds
I will grab my wife’s purse for her to hand it to her, but there is a limit in my head of how long I’ll take possession of it. Sorry, I love you, but I will not stand around holding your purse.
I notice it’s a very different attitude with daughters. I will wear their pink unicorn backpacks for them because they got tired without a second thought.
Tragedy: Texas Man So Focused On Staying Warm He Has Forgotten The Alamo
Anyone remember the big Texas freeze of 2021? I had intermittent power for days with my whole family crowded around our gas fireplace as it was the only source of heat.
Anyway, I always love making fun of my wife (a native Texan) by doing dumb stereotypes of Texans like them always yelling, “Yee-haw!” and this article reflects that.
Is Your Cat Actually Satan? 9 Things To Look For
The problem with The Babylon Bee was that I would write all these great articles but most people would only ever read the headline and look at the picture, and at the end of the day, I’m a writer, not a headline maker.
Also, The Babylon Bee doesn’t get money from shares on social media; they need people to click on the articles. This was my attempt to make an article people would want to click on, and it was fairly successful. Not a great writing feat for it (none of the asides in the article are things I wrote; I wrote just the list).
Sad: This Christian Got Offended By 100 Different Things Today And Nobody Cares
That the whole world comes to a standstill when you’re offended is news to a Christian, as usually people even like offending us. Eventually, you just learn to shrug; would be nice if everyone else learned that about offense. This was me writing about the phenomenon.
Christian Dutifully Prays For Her Enemies, But If God Wants To Smite Them, That’s Okay Too
I know you’re supposed to pray for your enemies, but it’s hard. Sometimes you want the other side of God for your enemies.
Colorado Baker Faces Long Line Of People Outside Waiting To Be Oppressed
It’s so bizarre all the people targeting that one Colorado baker to get “oppressed” by him. I heard he read this article and enjoyed it! That’s me, bringing comfort to the actually oppressed.
Woke politics popping up in stuff is supremely annoying, so it’s nice to have a few dumb action flicks where it’s almost impossible to put woke into it. I mean, how can you ruin a giant monkey punching a giant lizard? You can’t.
BTW, I have a great idea how to follow up King Kong vs Godzilla: Have the two team up to fight Cthulhu. There’s a free one for you. No, wait, if you use that idea, you have to pay me a million dollars.
That’s it for now. Later we’ll go through more of my best articles from my last year writing for the Bee. Which were your favorite?
These crack me up so much!