Consequence of a Government Shutdown

The devastation we avoided

The country narrowly averted a government shutdown when some Democrats realized that, even though they hate America, they live here and it would be bad if it were destroyed.

But what would happen if the government had shut down? The last shutdown was over six years ago, so you’re probably too young to remember the horrors. Not to scare you, but that is what happens during a government shutdown.

Consequences of a Government Shutdown

• Trump will be locked out of the White House and have to sleep in a tent on the lawn.

• The Grand Canyon starts to fill back up.

• The military will only stop an invasion if it’s from a really big country. If just Canada invades, we’re on our own.

• The immortal giant Abraham Lincoln, locked in his stone prison at the D.C. Mall, begins to wake up.

• Monkeys will escape from unguarded zoos.

• The lease for all those pillars on government buildings will stop being paid, causing the pillars to be repossessed and the buildings to collapse.

• Congress will have to meet at the nearest Starbucks.

• Escaped monkeys, able to climb in through the windows of the Capitol, will form their own Congress.

• Mass traffic jams as stop signs begin to malfunction.

• Crazed bureaucrats roam the streets attacking bystanders.

• Any celery you will purchase will be non-regulated and potentially deadly.

• Remember Die Hard 2 when none of the planes could land? Exact same thing.

• JD Vance’s cheeks will get even chubbier.

• With no government restraints on them, the IRS will collect 100% taxes.

• Without maintenance, bridges will begin to explode.

• Actually, those laws those monkeys who took over Congress are passing are pretty sensible. Maybe we’ll just leave them in charge.

• Planet of the apes.