Frank Debate Suggestions

Ideas to make the presidential debates more interesting and consequential

Trump and Biden have agreed to two debates, one in June and another in September. However, despite all the hype, presidential debates rarely produce anything significant. Thus, I have some ideas to make the debates more interesting and consequential.

Frank Debate Suggestions

• Each should get a gun. I know what you’re thinking: Then they’ll shoot each other instead of debating. But here’s the thing: Each gun will only have one bullet. And they’ll be way on the other side of the stage from each other. So they’ll have to think long and hard about using that one bullet because they could miss. So, a lot of extra drama added.

• Give them each sodium pentothal. That’s right: the truth serum. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see politicians debate when they’re forced to say the truth, even if it hurts them? Might not have much of an effect on Trump.

• Have them dress as clowns. Politicians are always trying to get us to take them seriously, and it’s a big trap. Thus, we should make them dress as clowns for a debate. So when they try to convince us they have great ideas, we’ll be like, “Look at these clowns.”

• Have the debate moderated by the demon Shadowvar, who can judge the darkness in one’s soul. He will judge not just their answers, but what darkness hides in their souls. They can talk about how they will help the country, but he will see what they truly desire. And woe to those in whom he finds evil.

• Huh. Why is Shadowvar staring right at the TV audience? Wait? Is he judging us? He says we’re responsible for these terrible politicians because we’re the ones who elect them. Now he’s using his dark power against us!

• Oh. Great. Now we’re all in a hell dimension. It’s a barren landscape of storms and fire — our punishment for once again having an election between Biden and Trump. Well, that’s not fair. I didn’t even vote in the primary. Why am I here? You should be here, but not me.

• Now, we must undergo a series of trials. If we learn our lesson in these arduous tasks, we could be shown worthy and transported back to our world. Otherwise, we will spend eternity in this hell dimension. I don’t know exactly what the trials are, but I’m a busy man and don’t have time for this.

• There’s this glowing rock; I’m going to reverse its neutron flow. I don’t know what that means exactly, but they do it all the time in scifi, and this glowing rock seems to be connected to whatever power is keeping us here. Maybe I can reverse its neutron flow by hitting it with a hammer (I always keep a hammer on me for hammer purposes).

• Shadowvar did not like me hammering his glowy crystal. He just appeared, and he looks mad. You know how demons are with their glowy crystals. I put my hand on his shoulder and told him to “Calm down,” but that did not work. He says he will fight me now in mortal combat and disembowel me. I’m not really dressed for that, though.