I haven’t really been talking much about politics and current events since I left The Babylon Bee, but I guess it is time to put my brilliant mind to work. I know politics can be confusing for people. Like who is this Biden everyone is mentioning? What’s a Kamala Harris? What’s this I’ve heard about a pandemic? So I’m going to explain everything to you.
Now, I’ve worked long and hard on getting the correct political opinion on everything, and thus my opinions are extremely valuable — worth thousands of dollars. That’s why I have to put this all behind a paywall — it would be morally wrong to give away my political opinions for free. That’s like casting pearls before swine. What can swine do with pearls? They can’t eat it — and if they did, would you want bacon with bits of pearl in it?
Anyway, let’s talk about the news this week.
