Frank News: Inflation, Tacos, and the Webb Telescope

Frank, the smartest person you know, explains the news

Hopefully, you were too busy to pay attention, but stuff happened this week. I’ll explain.

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Inflation

Inflation has hit 9.1%!

Man, the Democrats had such a foolproof plan: Give everyone everything they want and just tax the rich. But now even the poorest are paying the equivalent of an extra 9% tax on their income. Oops.

And the Democrats are having so much trouble wrapping their heads around how to solve inflation.

“Maybe we could fix it by spending money on—”

“No, you have to not spend money.”

“Oh, I guess we can then put billions into—”

“No. That’s spending. You have to not do that.”

“Oh. I think I get it. We’ll finance a fact finding committee—”

“No!”

But don’t worry: I have a simple solution. What President Biden needs to do is orchestrate a series of daring bank robberies and then burn all the money he steals. Inflation solved!

One thing is inflation-proof, though: A subscription to this Substack. It’s currently 20% off! Better lock that down before inflation gets it too.

Biden Approval

Biden’s approval is at a record low — on account of him being very bad at being president — and it probably won’t help him if he takes my advice to steal everyone’s money and burn it.

But again, don’t worry, as I have a solution: Biden needs to get himself trapped down a well. Then people would go from being angry at him to feeling sorry for him. “Get that poor, old man out of that well” would probably poll at 70%+. People will say, “He’s probably scared down there. I feel so bad I yelled at him about inflation.”

Now, there will be a few extremists like that Tucker Carlson who will probably be like, “I don’t care if he’s crying; it’s a waste of taxpayer dollars to get him out of that well.” But pretty much everyone else will rally around Biden and want to help him out of that well.

Now, there might be a few disadvantages to this plan, though. I won’t pretend to be a foreign policy expert, but having our head of state stuck down a well would probably make us look weak to some nations. Who knows how the foreign mind works? Certainly not me with my American brain.

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