Frank News: Roe v Wade Overturned, Twitter Bought

Frank explains the news because he cares

The news is often weird and scary, which is why I’m here to explain it all to you. There’s been a lot of news, so let’s get to it!

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Roe v Wade

Oh no. A leaked draft Supreme Court decision says that Roe v Wade will be overturned. If you know any child-killing monsters, this is going to be an especially tough week for them, so tread carefully. Planned Parenthood spokesman, Pennywise the Clown, was acting like things are normal, announcing, “None of your children are safe! None of them!” but you could tell his heart wasn’t really into it.

A lot of people on the left seem really confused by this; why would anyone be against millions of children being murdered? I guess it is kind of esoteric to explain and is all based on some very obscure religious doctrines. Well, hopefully, they’ll figure it out. Maybe they could use some encouragement. If you see anyone on the left looking sad and confused, just pat them on the back and say, “I believe in you; you can figure out why murder is wrong.”

Twitter

Elon Musk is buying Twitter, and he plans to enforce drastic free speech on the liberals who hate that. So it’s a tough time for the left right now with all the free speech scaring them and not being able to kill babies — one of their favorite things. All this stress could cause them to collapse in screaming, twitching messes where there’s nothing we can do except point and laugh at them.