Frank Thoughts on Debates and Body Doubles
All the thoughts I had that worth sharing plus more!
Once again, here’s an abridged version of the thoughts for anyone who just doesn’t feel like reading. I tried to say “uh” and “um" less, but I don’t think succeeded.
The Republican Debate
The Republicans had a primary debate this week, but all the questions were things like:
“Where is Trump?”
“Is Trump coming soon?”
“What do you think Trump is doing right now?”
A Great Idea for Trump
I’ve heard some suggest they’ve replaced Senator John Fetterman (who is brain damaged) with a look-alike (who isn’t brain damaged).
This gives me a great idea! Why not replace Donald Trump with a look-alike? You see, some will only vote for Trump, but more would like someone who isn’t Trump. So, get a Trump look-alike! Then you get the best of both worlds: a Trump who isn’t Trump.
Some will think, “That looks like Trump, and I vote for Trump, so I'll vote for him.”
Others will think, “That looks like Trump, and I don’t like Trump, but he doesn’t go on nonsensical, embarrassing tirades. Maybe I can vote for him.”
I guess the question is what to do with the real Trump. We need to lock him up where he can’t get out, but there will be someone to care for him. Oh yeah: prison! And the Democrats are already trying to put him there. They’re falling right into my trap.
Trump Liable for Fraud
A New York judge has found Trump (or someone who looks a lot like Trump) liable for fraud. Liable is a Latin word that means “able to lie,” which means Trump is lying about fraud, but since fraud is deceiving people, lying about it means you’re telling the truth. So I don’t even see the problem.
DeSantis and Newsom to Debate
Since Ron DeSantis couldn’t debate Trump, he’s debating California Governor Gavin Newsom instead. This is interesting because neither looks to be their party's nominee. DeSantis hopes Republicans realize, “Hey, we don’t have to vote for Trump,” but that hasn’t happened yet. And Newsom is circling Biden like a vulture, waiting for him to die.
Debates have a long history in the U.S. Everyone remembers the Lincoln-Douglas Debate on slavery. This should be like that, except the topic will be whose state isn’t garbage.
It’s still looking like there could be a government shutdown. To help you out, here’s my guide on what to do during a government shutdown:
If you are part of the government, stay home.
Bad Polls for Biden
A really bad poll for Biden shows him ten points behind Trump. Turns out Biden’s message of “The economy is great, and you’re just stupid” doesn't resonate, and now most prefer the other guy despite thinking he's Trump.
The Democrats remain confident about 2024 because they are good at stealing elections from Trump.
There is lots of crazy stuff on the internet, and lately, people have been talking about how marriage is bad. That’s crazy. I’m married, and it’s great. My wife cooks me breakfast and dinner each day. I usually have to get lunch myself, though. So, was marriage a good idea for me? Well, I can usually make a pretty good sandwich for lunch, so I’m happy.
Senator Bob Menendez
Democrat Senator Bob Menendez has been indicted for accepting gold bars as bribes. Did you know you could change a Democrat’s vote with gold bars? Like how many gold bars? If we raid Fort Knox, we could maybe save this country.
The Nation Could Collapse
I have bad news: I've heard if America votes the wrong way in 2024, that could end this nation.
I know, you've heard that before in 2020. And 2016. And 2012. And 2008. And 2004. And 2000. And 1996. And 1992. But I'm told it's different this time because this time it's for real! So make sure you vote the right way between your two choices (Trump and Biden, most likely) so the nation doesn’t collapse. Of course, I've heard good arguments either could cause the downfall. If that's true, it doesn't matter who you vote for, so no pressure.
Just for my cool dude paid subscribers (you’re the best!), I have a few bonus thoughts on the writer’s strike, the Electoral College, and Jeopardy!