Frank Thoughts on How to Be a Less Crazy Anti-Semite

Plus other thoughts on news and stuff

Why Indict Trump?

So, there have been a lot of indictments lately, and you may have noticed a pattern: They’re all for Trump and his friends. Kinda suspicious, huh?

So why target Trump? Is it because he’s committed lots of crimes? Impossible. Trump says he’s the most honest person around, and, as the most honest person around, we know what he says is true.

Maybe it’s because they’re scared of Trump, knowing he’s the strongest candidate against Biden, and they thought the indictments would scare people from nominating Trump. Well, we’ll show them by voting for Trump even harder!

But what if Democrats knew Republicans would act that way? Then maybe Trump is the weakest candidate, and they’re tricking Republicans into nominating him with the indictments! It’s a trap!

Well, you know the best way to expose a trap: fall for it.

Or, I think that’s what you do. I never actually read Sun Tzu because it’s in Chinese. I guess I could read a translation, but how do I know they’re not lying to me about what it says? The first rule of war (I’m guessing) is if you have a book called The Art of War that tells everyone how to be good at war, lie to the enemy what it says.

Will Indictments Spread?

I see all these people online worried that Trump is just the start, and soon, the Democrats will start indicting all Republican politicians. They’re like, “Guy, you have to strike back before they come after you!” But all the Republican politicians don’t seem that worried and aren’t doing anything — even though they’re the ones who could be indicted next!

Know what could get them worried: If they got indicted. So, if you’re someone worried about more Republicans getting indicted, you should hope that more get indicted so they’ll do something.

Bidenonmics

So Biden is continuing his economic strategy (Bidenomics) of saying the economy is great, and you’re just dumb to think it isn’t great. He even got into a whiteboard to explain why you’re dumb.

So blank and empty. And there’s a whiteboard!

This seems like a bad idea. When the economy is bad and people are upset about it, you don’t want to put your name on it and call it something like “Bidenomics.” Instead, put someone else’s name on it and call it something like “Trumpanomics.” “This was all his fault; I’m still trying to fix things — when you all love the economy, that’s when it’s Bidenomics.”

Boy, Biden is such a weak and terrible candidate; I wonder if the Democrats might dump him? We should indict him to trick the Democrats into rallying around him!

Trump Trial Date

Trump has his trial date, and it’s the day before Super Tuesday! That’s a really important day in the presidential primaries because it’s when all the building superintendents vote.

That’s really inconvenient for Trump, so here’s my advice for him: When you get the email with the meeting invitation for the Trump trial, click the “No” button. They can’t have a Trump trial without Trump; they’ll be forced to reschedule.

Running Over Climate Change Protestors

Climate Change protestors tried to block the way to Burning Man, but tribal police ran right over their barricade with a truck. This is wrong. At least have enough respect for climate change protestors’ beliefs that if you run them over, you use a Tesla.

Gun Control

I see all these people who are like, “We need a gun control law to keep bad people from getting guns.” But then I point out to them that there are 400 million guns in this country, and no law will make a bad person grab one. “What you actually want is a magic spell that makes all guns in the world disappear.” They then nod thoughtfully and say, “Oh yeah, and that’s impossible. I was being silly. Sorry for wasting your time.”

This is why it’s good to calmly explain things to people.

Saner Anti-Semitism

So the other day on the Twitters/X, I was talking about how it’s kind of crazy that so many people are obsessed with Jews when I’ve found it very easy my whole life not to worry about them at all. Someone responded to me that I was wrong and I needed to worry about the Jews. He then sent me a story about James Traficant speaking out against Israel and alleging that the Jews then killed him off in what they made to look like a tractor accident.

Okay, I have notes.

Now, I don’t really know if I should help people be better at anti-Semitism, but I can’t help myself: I like helping people… especially when I’m certain I know better. Now, first off, if someone is skeptical of being scared of the Jews, you probably should ease them into the concept. Maybe a few shadowy stories of things Israel is alleged to have done. What you don’t do is go straight to eleven and say, “The Jews dropped a tractor on a former Congressman like he was the Wicked Witch of the East.”

Also, there are some other problems with that story without even looking into the specific details of it. Now, the allegation was the Jews killed Traficant because he was speaking out against Israel, but people are constantly speaking out against Israel. It’s like political white noise; no one even pays attention. And I don’t see anyone else getting tractors dropped on them. No tractor has fallen on Ilhan Omar (though maybe she’s just good at dodging them).

Plus, of all the people to drop a tractor on for speaking out against Israel, isn’t James Traficant the last person you’d bump off? Just look at his hair.

Not the hair of someone who hasn’t something sane to say.

I mean, why kill Traficant when his hair already discredits everything he says? If anything, if you were part of some conspiracy to protect Israel, you’d want Traficant to be the most prominent voice against you so regular people would take one glance and say, “Oh, so that’s a crazy position.”

So here’s a much better conspiracy theory if you want to convince someone like me: Allege the Jews somehow tricked Traficant into having that hair to discredit everything he says. Now, that’s a sinister theory. Even if I were to say, “No, that’s crazy,” in the back of my head, I’d be like, “I’d better watch out for the followers of Judaism before they do something like that to me.”

You’re welcome, anti-Semites.

Prison Abolitionists

So there are these leftists who are like, “Prisons are bad; we need to abolish prisons!” I’ve found the best way to handle these people is to ask, “With no prisons, what would you do with violent criminals like murderers and serial killers?” Then they’ll think for a moment and go, “Oh, yeah, this idea is completely unworkable; I’m so sorry I wasted your time with it.”

I like helping people figure out their ideas are dumb; it’s a good public service.

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