How to Always Get the Correct Political Opinion

A step-by-step, foolproof way to make sure your politics are right on any subject

People sure have lots of opinions and love to argue them on the internet. But have you ever worried that your political opinions could be wrong sometime? That you could be telling someone on Twitter to “die in a fire” over something where the other guy is actually in the right?

Well, worry no more because I have a simple, step-by-step guide to arrive at the correct position on any political issue.

How to Arrive at the Correct Political Position

1. Take a long hard look at arguments on both sides of the political issue on which you want to take a position.

2. Now put that political issue down for a little bit and take up a calming activity, like painting.

3. But don’t paint just anything; stick to mainly painting buildings and architecture.

4. Realize you are never going to make it as an artist and begin to live a bohemian lifestyle.

5. Begin to blame all of society’s problems on minorities, especially the Jews.

6. Become a vegetarian.

7. Join the military.

8. Grow a toothbrush mustache.

9. After serving in the military, get into politics.

10. Attempt a coup.

11. Fail at the coup, get sent to prison.

12. Write a long manifesto blaming all the nation’s problems on the Jews.

13. Now take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror. You should now look and think exactly like Adolf Hitler, the most evil man who ever lived.

14. Look again at the political issue and, using the mind of Hitler, decide what your position on that issue should be.

15. Take the opposite position.

There you go! The foolproof way to get the right position on an issue every time. Now you can get back to arguing on social media with confidence you’re right about everything.

I mean, everyone has that confidence, but now it will be true for you!