How to Identify the Woke Right

Who and what are the woke right?

People get into politics for different reasons. Some people really believe in something and want what’s best for their country. Other people just like to shout a lot and get attention.

People in the latter camp are primarily who we call “woke.” They were mainly on the left, but now that the right has gotten power, it’s embolden more dumb shouty people to act like they’re part of the cause. They’re sort of a parasite on a political cause — like a barnacle — and if you get too many, it really bogs the movement down.

But how do you identify someone who is woke right? I have my tips here:

How to Identify the Woke Right

1. They say there is no woke right. This is probably the easiest way to identify someone on the woke right. For most conservatives, when you say “woke right” they’ll instantly know what you mean. “Oh yeah, those guys who act just like leftists. They’re so annoying.” But if someone is like, “What do you mean ‘woke right’? That’s not a thing!” they’re probably one of them.

2. Get outraged by like eight things a day. Normal people don’t go from zero to eleven multiple times per day, but the woke right needs attention. So they’re just trying things constantly to see what will get people worked up and responding to them.

3. They’re flamboyant. You know what I mean. A lot of the woke right won’t come out and admit it, but they’re a bit… you know… what’s the PC term? Fruity.