I Am Become Frank Thoughts

Thoughts on Barbenheimer, Feminism, and Communists

Trump Indicted Again

I think Trump has been indicted again. Or will be indicted again. I heard something about it last week, but it got quickly lost in all the talk about Barbie and Oppenheimer coming out. Trump gets indicted a lot, and it’s not really big news now.

So, how will this affect the election? Literally, not at all. One side hates him so much that Trump could personally burn down their houses, and it wouldn’t move the needle any further. And the other side could watch Trump stab a guy to death in the street and be like, “Eh. Trump will not always do the popular thing, but we love him anyway.”

Why am I even talking about this?

Barbenheimer

So two big movies opened over the last weekend. One was about Barbie — you know, like the doll — and the other was about Oppenheimer, who invented the atomic bomb.

These are two very different movies! Isn’t that crazy?

But both movies made a ton of money. So, hopefully, Hollywood will learn a lesson from this: People don’t want more superhero movies — they want movies about popular girl toys and weapons that could potentially destroy the planet.

But Hollywood won’t learn a lesson because they’re too busy striking. See, Hollywood is all about money now — that’s all actors and writers ever ask for. Jerks.

Twitter Is Now X

So, suddenly, out of nowhere, Elon Musk announces that Twitter isn’t Twitter anymore — it’s now X. Sorta. I mean, it now says X a few places, and Twitter and Tweet a lot of other places. It’s like a really half-hearted rebrand of one of the world’s most recognizable brands.

Why did he do this? No one knows. Maybe it’s a cry for help. Perhaps we should do a wellness check on Elon.

Can you even get a trademark on the letter X? It is one-third of the HBO Max rebrand. Maybe they own it.

Feminism

Apparently, the Barbie movie is about feminism. If you don’t know what feminism is, well, women can do one thing men can’t — and it’s more important than anything men can do — and feminism is all about overcoming that.

Changing Twitter

"So, Elon, Twitter often suppresses tweets in an arbitrary and opaque manner. Can you fix that?"

"On it! I’m going to make the blue check meaningless."

"No..."

"I'm changing the name to X."

"That's not..."

"You have to pay if you want to read more than five tweets!"

Bananas and Communists

So the other day on Twitter, there were these Communists lamenting how we all have bananas because those bananas mean exploited labor. In their Communist utopia, there would be no bananas. All the people who were being exploited growing bananas would now… I dunno. Starve, maybe? There’s a lot of starving in Communism, but after enough people starve, it’s all supposed to work out.

Man, this is way different from how things were in the 80s. You wouldn’t have Communists debating bananas on Twitter. First of all, there was no Twitter (oh yeah, I guess there isn’t now either — it’s now X). And second of all, as soon as someone opened his mouth and said, “As a Communist…” we would strangle him before he said anything further.

We’re much more tolerant now and don’t just strangle Communists for being Communists. Does that make us a better society?

Absolutely not.

Good Pitch for Biden

I thought of a good pitch for Biden for 2024.

“Are you tired of worrying your president might become a tyrannical dictator? No worries like that with Biden — he’s way too old and senile for that. If he ever tried doing a loud, angry rant like Hitler, he would die.”

Oppenheimer

“Now I am become Death, destroyer of worlds.”

“Did you say you became Beth?”

“No, Death.”

“Oh, ‘cause I was like, ‘Who’s Beth? Why is she destroying worlds?”

“Well, I didn’t say that.”

“Heh; I guess we better not get on Beth’s bad side. Anyway, you were saying something about your extreme guilt about developing the bomb?”

Hunter Art

President Biden’s son, Hunter, is apparently a very popular artist, selling his art for lots of money. And his art is very popular among a certain group: People who want access to the president. What a coincidence! He’s the son of the president! That really worked out.

Should We Have Dropped the Bomb on Japan

With the movie Oppenheimer out, everyone has gotten really judgy about dropping the atomic bombs on Japan. Young people are like, “I wouldn’t have dropped the bomb; I would have ended the war with a TikTok dance.”

Man, they’re lucky all the people alive back then are too old to beat them with sticks.

Bonus Thoughts

My dumbest thoughts for paid subscribers including a great rant on one of the biggest lies in every kid’s alphabet book.