It's Time to Embrace the Loser Right

Sure they're low IQ, evil, and presumably smell bad, but we need this coalition

There’s one thing tearing the right apart: standards.

See, we have a crisis. The Democrats and the left will completely destroy this country and it will be over if they ever get power again. They’re going to add so many letters to LGBTQ that there will be none left for other words.

I know we say that every single election, but it’s super extra double true this time.

That’s why we need every single person on our side. And yet, there are some conservatives saying we need to kick out from our coalition people like Tucker Carlson, Candace Owens, Nick Fuentes, and Skeevy the Goo Covered Nazi Muslim.

But how are we going to win if we’re reducing our side?

Now, I know the arguments against them. They don’t even care about conservatism because they’re only obsessed with Israel. They chant “America First” but side with every enemy of America. They promote Islam for some reason. They smell weird. They are so low IQ, that basic human conversation with them is impossible.

And this is all true. But we’re trying to win elections here. Or build podcast audiences. And each person counts in that. Thus we can’t be choosy about who we make friends with.

And maybe it won’t be so bad. Yeah, they’re stupid, but maybe we can use that. Like dangle some keys in front of them to get their attention, and then tell them, “Know what Israel would really hate? If you moved these heavy boxes for me.”

See, we can use them for really simple labor tasks while we handle all the thinking stuff. And I know the smell is a huge problem, but we don’t have to get too close to them. We can mainly keep them in a basement and just drag them out when votes are needed. “Hey, the Jews would really hate it if you voted for centrist Republican Norm Whiteman.”

See? Easy! Just don’t ever imply anything that happens isn’t because of the Jews, because they hate that. Every time the sun sets, just shake your fist at the sky and yell, “The Jews took the sun!” And they’ll be placated and you can shove them in that basement and give them their podcasts until they’re needed again.

This is how we win: With the largest coalition of weird-smelling stupid losers.