Just Don't Engage

The Avengers call in the X-Men for help; now they just need to not upset them

“We have to stop Thanos,” Thor said, stating the obvious to the rest of the team at Avengers Tower.

“I thought we destroyed the Infinity Stones,” Spider-Man said.

“We did,” answered Iron Man, “but now he’s after an even greater source of power: The Infinity Plus One Stones. If he gets them, he’ll be one more than unstoppable.”

“Hulk smash!” suggested Hulk.

“I like your attitude,” said Captain America, “but it’s going to take more than smashing against that sort of power. That’s why...” Captain America hesitated. “...I called in some help.”

“Who?” Iron Man demanded.

“The... X-Men.”

There was a groan from everyone there except for Spider-Man who looked around with confusion. “Wait? What’s the problem with the X-Men?” Spider-Man asked. “I heard they have a lot of great powers.”

“Oh yeah, you’re new here and haven’t dealt with them before,” Iron Man said.

“Let’s do our best to work together and use their strengths,” Captain America said and then addressed Spider-Man specifically, “but it’s probably best not to engage with them.”

“What do you mean?” Spider-Man asked.

Just then, the X-Men entered the room. There were half a dozen of them in brightly colored costumes. “Why did we have to meet in a public place like New York?” Cyclops whined. “Throughout the streets, everyone just stared at us.”

“It’s probably because you’re in those spandex getups,” Spider-Man said.

“It’s because people can’t stand those who are different from them,” Jean Grey said. “It’s sad.”

“I told you guys you could have just landed the X-Jet on this tower and avoided the streets,” Captain America said.

“We shouldn’t have to hide ourselves,” Cyclops shot back. “People should accept us as we are.”

“And they don’t?” Spider-Man asked, again confused.

“Open your eyes!” Iceman shouted. “The bigotry is everywhere!”

Spider-Man was about to say something more, but Iron Man shook his head at him. Captain America addressed the X-Men with a polite smile. “I’m sorry about all the trouble, but as we explained, Thanos is threatening all of existence, and we need your help.”

Cyclops let out a loud sigh. “Once again, we’re being asked to help the very people who hate us.”

“Yeah, that’s... uh... tough,” Captain America said politely.

“But if you could decide soon,” Iron Man stated, “that would be nice because we have a lot of planning to do.”

“Okay, I’m not understanding something here,” Spider-Man said. Thor and Hulk waved their hands at him in warning, but Spider-Man continued. “You’re saying people discriminate against you because you have powers? People seem to like we Avengers and our powers.”

“People discriminate against us because we’re mutants,” Cyclops said. “Unlike you guys, we were born with our powers, and people don’t like that. Educate yourself.”

“Yes, it’s very hard on you, I’m sure,” Captain America stated quickly. “So, moving on...”

“Wait, that doesn’t make any sense,” Spider-Man said, ignoring the glares from the other Avengers. “You’re saying people are okay with superpowers if people got them from a radioactive spider or gamma radiation or a super serum, but they hate you if you were born with them? I don’t understand how that would make a difference to anyone being saved from aliens or supervillains.”

“Bigotry doesn’t always make sense,” Jean Grey screeched. “But it’s a real problem. Just the other day, a group was trying to get a mutant kicked out of school.”

“I saw that,” Spider-Man said. “He blew up a classroom; of course people didn’t want him around their kids.”

“Classrooms blow up all the time!” Cyclops screamed. “That’s no reason for bigotry!”

Spider-Man just stared at him. “You guys are insane,” he muttered.

“Well, it’s a heated topic,” Captain America stated, “so let’s focus on Thanos.”

“Just to be sure,” Spider-Man said to the X-Men, getting loud sighs from the Avengers, “are you guys certain your discrimination comes from you being born with powers and not from...” Spider-Man paused for a moment to get the right words, “...your personalities.”

The X-Men were stunned silent for a few seconds. Finally, Cyclops yelled, “He’s blaming us for our own oppression!” He then said to an imaginary audience while pointing at Spider-Man, “This is what we are fighting against. This is yet another person whose mind is too small to deal with the next stage of evolution.”

“Evolution?” Spider-Man exclaimed. “You think you got your powers from evolution? That’s not how evolution works. You don’t just have a squirrel born one day that shoots lasers out its eyes. Demon possession is closer to an actual scientific explanation of your powers than evolution.”

The X-Men were stunned silent again. Again, Cyclops was the first to speak. “We need to find a safe space to decompress,” he said through tears. “We cannot deal with this right now. His words are literal genocide against mutant-kind.”

As the X-Men stormed off, Iron Man turned to Spider-Man and said, “Great job, Peter.”

“I’m sorry, but nothing about them makes any sense,” Spider-Man replied.

One X-Man had not stormed off with the others, a man in a yellow costume and a black, pointy mask. “Sorry about the others,” stated Wolverine. “They can all be a bit strident.”

“Well, it’s good to know not all of you are crazy,” Spider-Man said. “So, what are your powers?”

“I can make knives come out of my hands.”

Spider-Man nodded politely and then whispered. “And I thought Hawkeye was useless.”