My First 100 Days as President

Here’s what I’d do if I were president

Trump has been elected president (again), and that means a very important time is coming up: His first 100 days.

The first 100 days as President is important because that’s where you set your agenda and the tone of your administration. Candidates are always talking about all the things they’ll do during their first 100 days in office. No one cares about what you’ll do that 137th day — it’s just those first 100 days that matter.

So, if I were president, here is what I would do in my first 100 days:

First, I’d set up my direct deposit to make sure I get my paycheck. That’s important. I got bills and kids.

Next, I’d find a good TV to set up my gaming system so I can play video games.

I could probably get those first two things done in one day (unless their direct deposit system is really archaic), so I’d spend the next 99 days playing video games — really getting through my Steam backlog.

Now, I know what some of you are saying: “Hey, you have all that power as president; shouldn’t you be using it?”

No! You see, that’s a trap all the other presidents fall in. They try to use their power, and that’s where things go wrong. So for my first 100 days, I’m doing nothing. And that’s what I’m doing for the next 100 days after that and after that. Basically, you’ll be paying me to hold all that power as president and not use it, which I think is a fair deal which is why I’m making sure that money goes in my direct deposit (and frankly, I think I deserve a raise). I don’t care what happens, I’m not doing anything. Unless a foreign country invades, I won’t lift a finger (and it has to be like a really threatening foreign country; if Canada invades, I think the American people can handle that themselves). I’m just going to sit there and play my video games and you can all solve your own problems.

So that’s my first 100 days. What would you do your first 100 days as president?