Opinion: It's Wrong to Toss Kittens into Helicopter Blades

I explain

NOTE: I like strongly stating my opinions, but I’m getting tired of people angrily arguing with me online. Thus, I thought I’d try having a strong opinion about something no one disagrees with.

Thup. Thup. Thup.

The sound of a helicopter.

Meow.

The sound of a Kitten.

You’re standing there holding a kitten in your hand. Nearby is a running helicopter. You’re bored.

So, it’s obvious what you should do: Toss the kitten into the helicopter blades, right?

Wrong.

There are opinions out there that throwing a kitten into whirling helicopter blades is a cool, harmless, and fun act. But it is not cool. It is not harmless. And yes, technically it might be fun, but that is not enough to justify it.

Throwing a kitten into helicopter blades is immoral for three good reasons:

1. It harms a kitten.

2. It’s messy.

3. Third reason.

Let’s take these one at a time.

It harms a kitten. Now, I think this is fairly obvious. Kittens are tiny and being thrown into helicopter blades is destructive for them. But why is this wrong? It’s because kittens are cute, living creatures who feel pain. We should be caring for them and protecting them, not tossing them into helicopter blades. Tossing a kitten into whirling helicopter blades is obviously animal cruelty and wrong.

It’s messy. Again, I think this one is fairly obvious. When you toss something into helicopter blades — especially something filled with liquid red stuff — that’s going to make a mess everywhere. Are you going to clean that up? I’m certainly not going to as it would only further encourage your animal cruelty. That’s on you. You’re the one who was not only cruel, but made a huge mess and now there is red everywhere.

Third reason. I really thought I should come up with a third reason because in my years of doing essays for school (I went to school before ChatGPT and had to write essays myself), it was drilled in my head you should do things in three, like have three different points. But I couldn’t come up with a third. Still, I think my first two points — it’s harms a kitten and it’s messy — are strong enough so I’m just going to refer you back to them.

So, I think I’ve established pretty well why this is wrong. Still, you might say, “What if I just throw a kitten into stationary helicopter blades?” I don’t get the point of that. The kitten would (most likely) just go through the air and not hit any of the blades, or it might just sort of bounce off one of them and be startled a bit. I don’t get why anyone would want to throw a kitten at stationary helicopter blades. I guess that’s sort of okay if you want to do that, but it just feels like you’re wasting all our time by bringing it up.

But you definitely should not throw a kitten at spinning helicopter blades. So, next time you have a kitten in your hand and are next to a helicopter getting ready to take off, just pet the cute little kitten. Sure, that’s not as fun as tossing it into giant spinning blades, but it’s much nicer.