Best of the Bee: Part 12
The best The Babylon Bee posts written by me, Frank
It’s what should be the second to last of these, covering July 2021 to September 2021. Here’s more of the best of the approximately 666 articles I wrote for The Babylon Bee.
Sissy Democrats Criticize Republican Plan To Put Polling Place In A Labyrinth Guarded By A Minotaur
The Democrats are always criticizing the Republicans for making it harder to vote, so I thought I’d take that to the extreme. But I also thought it was funny to write the article from the perspective that the Democrats are obviously dumb and wrong about this.
Also, I’m from a certain age where if anyone says anything whiny, I’m tempted to add, “Snarf snarf,” to the end of it, and this time I gave into temptation.
Scientists Warn That Within 6 Months Humanity Will Run Out Of Things To Call Racist
When I was a kid, if you said “white supremacy,” I’d say, “Oh, like the Ku Klux Klan.” Today, when someone says “white supremacy,” I say, “Oh, like breakfast cereal.”
It seemed like every day, people were coming up with some new random thing to be racist that no one in a million years would think is racist. I feel it’s died down a little bit, but maybe that’s because it’s getting harder to find anything that hasn’t already been declared racist.
AOC Says How She Accidentally Glued Her Face To Her Coffee Table Is A Clear Failure Of Capitalism
Will I tire of AOC is dumb jokes? No. No, I will not. I also like combining that with her arrogance and blaming others for everything. The fun thing in this one was coming up with a scenario in which she would accidentally glue her face to a coffee table, and I think I nailed it.
Why can’t Christianity just lighten up and be more popular?
Biden really got a reputation for a while of never taking questions because he’s old and his brain doesn’t work to do anything other than read off a teleprompter. They did a video of this one.
Secret Service Investigating Credible Threat From The Grim Reaper
Biden is old.
Cocomelon Review: A Thrilling Masterpiece Combining Both Style And Substance
I was always looking for an opportunity to get more clever with the writing, and little Winchester had recently become obsessed with the show Cocomelon which I found insipid. So, I tried to understand things from his perspective. This led to a series of toddler review articles which I all had fun with though I don’t think were very popular.
Boy, Winchester better like the shows I’m working on more than Cocomelon or that’s going to be a blow.
Kamala Harris Instructed To Stop Answering All Her Phone Calls With ‘Did He Die?’
Kamala Harris has to figure she has a better chance than most Vice Presidents to become president, and it’s not because she has the charisma to win an election herself. I really don’t know the purpose of her as Vice President other than to… wait.
Oh No! Girl James Bond Is Foiled When Villain Places Details Of His Evil Plans In Pickle Jar
This was basically an excuse to make every woman stereotype joke I could think of because I’m sexist and bad. But I do not apologize.
Man Who Said ‘Amen’ To Prayer Said In Spanish Not Sure What He Signed On To
This one is autobiographical. I was at a birthday party where about half the people were native Spanish speakers, and they said a prayer in English and Spanish. It still felt like I should say, “Amen” after the Spanish prayer, but it also felt a little irresponsible.
Leftists Deeply Afraid Things Could Go Back To Normal
Control of a crisis is power. Who wants to give up power?
That’s it for now. One more of these to go, which will include my very last article for The Babylon Bee.
So which were your favorite?
the coffee table one was the best. not sure how i missed that one first run
I think your article about running of of things to call racist is itself racist because the idea of resources being a zero sum game where we can “run out” of something is inherently patriarchal and white supremacist. Furthermore it is offensive to even…. Ugh, sorry, I don’t have the energy to keep up this lame attempt at a joke any longer.