The Missing Scene from Return of the Jedi
Making sense of Luke's plan to rescue Han Solo from Jabba
A while back near the beginning of the pandemic, I had a long Twitter thread exploring the important question of “What exactly was Luke’s plan to rescue Han at the beginning of Return of the Jedi?”
In the thread, I go into all the problems of figuring out what exactly they were planning to do and whether their plan was messed up or went exactly as expected. Anyway, what follows here is the missing scene that explains everything and makes perfect sense of the beginning of the Return of the Jedi.
*Luke, Leia, Lando, Chewie, and R2 meet in... some back room on Tatooine, I guess*
LEIA: "We have to find a way to rescue Han from Jabba."
CHEWIE: *growls*
R2D2: *affirmative beeping*
LUKE: "I shall use the force to try to determine a way that we can defeat Jabba the Hutt."
*Luke goes into a trance for a few moments*
LANDO: "What did you just do?"
LUKE: "I used the force to go forward in time, to view alternate futures... to see all the possibilities of the coming conflict."
LEIA: "How many did you see?"
LUKE: "14,000,605."
LANDO: "How many did we win?"
LUKE: "One."
LEIA: "Wait, I thought Jabba was just some gangster."
LUKE: "No, he is the smartest, most dangerous being in the galaxy."
LEIA: "But he's like a slug criminal."
LUKE: "He is even more dangerous than the Emperor. And that's why the way to defeat him -- the only way -- is an extremely convoluted plan."
LANDO: "Well, Luke, we've seen your great prowess with the force in adventures that occurred after the last episode but the audience has never seen, so we'll go along with your plan no matter how insane it seems."
CHEWIE: *growls*
R2D2: *affirmative beeping*
LUKE: "Great."
*Luke pulls out a whiteboard*
LUKE: "First thing, Lando, you're going to get yourself inside as one of Jabba's guards."
LANDO: "No problem. I can use my gangster contacts to make that happen. Then what do you want me to do?"
LUKE: "Absolutely nothing."
LANDO: "Huh? I'd be in the inside. Seems like there would be a ton I could do."
LUKE: "Anything you do could raise suspicion. Jabba is just too smart. You must do absolutely nothing until you pilot the skiff on our final escape."
LANDO: "What skiff?"
LUKE: "We're getting ahead of ourselves. So Lando will be inside doing nothing. Next, I want R2 to deliver himself and C3P0 as gifts to Jabba. But first, I'll hide my lightsaber inside R2."
R2D2: *affirmative beeping*
LEIA: "So now your lightsaber is smuggled inside."
LUKE: "Right."
LANDO: "I could also smuggle his lightsaber inside since I'll be a trusted guard."
LUKE: "No. That would be doing something and you're not doing anything. So next, Leia you're going to pose as a bounty hunter and deliver Chewie to Jabba."
CHEWIE: *growls*
LUKE: "I know, but you have to trust me on this." *turns to Leia* "And play hardball with Jabba on the price; get him to respect you as a bounty hunter."
LEIA: "So what will I do now that I've got his trust?"
LUKE: "At night, you're going to secretly free Han from the carbonite."
LANDO: "I could do that since I'll already be there."
LUKE: "What part of 'do nothing' are you having a problem with, Lando?"
LANDO: "But I want to do something!"
LUKE: "How about you shut up; that's something."
LEIA: "Anyway, if I free Han, what happens with Chewie and the droids?"
LUKE: "Don't worry about that, because this won't work. You're going to get captured. We're going to let Jabba think he's winning."
LEIA: "Oh. Okay. But what will happen to us?"
LUKE: "Han and Chewie will get thrown in prison. Knowing Jabba, though, he'll most likely put you in some sort of demeaning slave girl outfit."
LEIA: "A what?"
LANDO: "I want to hear more about this outfit."
LUKE: "Like a metal bikini, probably."
LEIA: "I'm not wearing that!"
LUKE: *rolls eyes* "You'll have to. You've been captured. Keep up. So anyway, now I come, and I try to Jedi mind trick him into releasing everyone."
LEIA: "But that won't work."
LUKE: "No, because Jabba is too powerful. Once again, he'll think he's won and drop me into his rancor pit."
R2D2: *excited beeping*
LUKE: "No, it's not time for my lightsaber yet."
LANDO: "Then how are you going to beat that giant rancor monster of his?"
LUKE: "Um... I dunno. I'll grab a bone or something. Anyway, we'll circle back to that. Let's just go forward saying I somehow beat the rancor. Guess what happens next?"
LEIA: "He shoots you?"
LUKE: "No. He'll be so enraged, he'll want to go out on his sail barge to throw us into the Sarlacc pit."
LEIA: "And you're sure he'll do that and not just shoot us all?"
LUKE: "Like 76% sure. And he'll definitely not shoot you because you'll be in that demeaning slave girl outfit. Don't forget that."
LEIA: "I did not forget the demeaning slave girl outfit."
LUKE: "And now we've done it. We've gotten Jabba out of his palace. He's finally vulnerable."
LEIA: "I'm sorry... why couldn't we just go after him at his palace?"
LUKE: "Because he's too powerful there."
LEIA: "How?"
LUKE: "Because... reasons. He just is, okay? But out on his sail barge, we'll finally be able to take him down. And he'll be vulnerable because he'll think he's won."
LEIA: "From my vantage point in the demeaning slave girl outfit, it kind of looks like he has won. And mean, he's captured all of us."
LANDO: "Not me. Which means now I can--"
LUKE: "Are you about to propose doing something?"
LANDO: "No. Sorry."
LUKE: "Anyway, Leia that's why the plan is so brilliant. Jabba will be absolutely let his guard down. But before we're dropped to the Sarlacc, R2 will finally throw me my lightsaber and we'll all fight back."
CHEWIE: *growls*
R2D2: *excited beeping*
LUKE: "And during all that commotion, that's when you, Leia, are going to take out Jabba."
LEIA: "How?"
LUKE: "By strangling him with your chain. Oh, I forgot to mention that along with the demeaning slave girl outfit, you'll also be chained up."
LEIA: "One would assume. So wait, I thought Jabba was some super mastermind, but in the end I'll just choke him with a chain?"
LUKE: "I used to force to look in the future, and the only thing Jabba is vulnerable to a slave girl chain choking. And it will be easy for you because you'll be so mad."
LEIA: "Because of the demeaning--"
LUKE: "Because of the demeaning slave girl outfit. Yeah, you got it."
LEIA: "And what are you all doing during this?"
LUKE: "Just basic blowing things up and shooting things until we defeat everyone."
LANDO: "I get to help with that, right?"
LUKE: "No. According to future I've seen, you'll struggle a bit with one guy and then fall off the skiff and need Han and Chewie to rescue you."
LANDO: "Why am I even a part of this again?"
LUKE: "To pilot the skiff when we all finally leave together."
LANDO: "Do you even really need me for that? Why can't one of you just pilot the skiff?"
LUKE: "Because we'll be too tuckered out from all the action-adventuring."
LANDO: "Fine. Whatever."
LUKE: "So there's the plan. This is it. This is how we win."
LEIA: "There's really not another way to do this where I don't end up in a metal bikini?"
LUKE: "No."
LEIA: "Another question: If you can see in the future and come up with these convoluted plans, can you use this against the Emperor after we get back Han?"
LUKE: "No."
LEIA: "Why not?"
LUKE: "Um... I don't feel like it."
LEIA: "That's not a good answer."
LUKE: "Um... then... Let's say because of his power in the dark side of the force, it makes the future all cloudy around him. Would you buy that?"
LEIA: "Yeah, I guess that works."
LUKE: "Anyway, there it is: Our plan to rescue Han and defeat Jabba and it all makes sense and there are no plot holes. Are we ready?"
LEIA: "I guess. Kinda feels like I need to tan first."
LANDO: "Still doesn't really seem like you need me, but okay."
CHEWIE: *growls*
R2D2: *affirmative beeping*
*C3P0 walks in*
C3P0: "What are you all up to?"
EVERYONE: "Go away, C3P0! No one likes you!"
CHEWIE: *growls*
R2D2: *negative beeping*
C3P0: "How rude!"
Someone pointed out that there's absolutely no reason R2D2 has to communicate in only bloops and bleeps instead of the Emperor's English like C3PO and so many other droids, and now I can't not think about it when I watch a Star Wars movie.
Your exegesis of the the underlying absurdity of these scenes, which I had never considered, is quite humorous. There are several logical inconsistencies in "Top Gun: Maverick" too but, like "Star Wars", has such propulsive and entertaining action sequences that suspension of disbelief can be maintained.