Ways Businesses Can Adjust for the New Moment
The world has changed and woke is out. Here's how businesses can change with the times.
A lot of business were led down a very idiotic path by all the DEI and alphabet stuff, but with the re-election of Trump, they’ve come to realize all that does is piss off consumers. Businesses are going to have to change the way they do things for this new era, but it’s been so long since they last didn’t suck that they probably don’t know how.
Lucky, I’m here to help.
Here are some helpful tips to help businesses adjust to the non-woke era.
Ways Businesses Can Adjust for the New Moment
Replace DEI courses with Commie-strangling lessons.
Allow “I was just making a joke” as a valid response to any HR complaint.
No longer display the rainbow flag for Pride Month but instead fly the heterosexual flag (the American flag… but bigger).
Heterosexual flag Instead of DEI department, just inject everyone with an experimental drug that makes them color blind.
Give an optional space on employee forms to fill out pronouns. Fire anyone who fills it out.
Ban the letters LGBTQ from all documents.
Instead of having HR handle employee disputes, give everyone nunchucks.
Now everybody is kung fu fighting.
No, wait, that one guy is not kung fu fighting. He’s just standing there.
Is he a coward? We don’t need cowards at our company.
Or is he just standing there because he’s super awesome and about to unleash the greatest kung fu move ever?
No. He just left. He’s heading home early.
Wait! He just unleashed a flying kick right through the window attacking from outside!
You know, it was good to get rid of the DEI and alphabet stuff, but I don’t know how any of this is going to help us sell dog food. And now I have to replace that window.
"Instead of DEI department, just inject everyone with an experimental drug that makes them color blind."
I feel like it would be easier to get apps that interpret what dogs say as words. There's still some glitches to work out, but it would be easier than this. Dogs are already color blind, AND they always know when they're near a bad person. Let dogs hire people, I say.