Writing Tips

All my best tips on how to be a great writer

Do you want to be a successful writer like me? Well, through my decades of writing, I’ve learned a few things, and here are my best tips on writing.

Frank J.’s Writing Tips

• Don’t.

• No, seriously. You want me to expand on that? Writing is aggravating and frustrating, stay away from it.

• Really, don’t. It’s bad for your mental health — like smoking, but just affects your brain. You’re going to agonize over every word and always wondering whether everything you make it total garbage. Just stay away.

• Try knitting. It’s calm and relaxing and doesn’t constantly make you feel like garbage.

• Or wood-working. Something more manly. You don’t want this. You don’t know how much even just writing these little sentences is excruciating.

• You don’t get it. You’re taking your random thoughts and trying to fit them into these boxes of words, but they never fit. It’s a constant trying to get square pegs in round holes. Awkward and inadequate.

• Find an occupation where you make real money. Not only is writing difficult and frustrating, it doesn’t pay much.

• Okay, I do alright. But you’re not going to end up like me. Who blogs and tweets for two decades and ends up writing TV shows out of nowhere? I’m the only story I know like that. Do something else.

• Please, I’m begging you. It’s a very competitive field, and I don’t need even more competition.

• You might be better than me. You wanted the truth? Well, that’s it; that’s what I’m worried about. Frankly, I worry everyone is better than me. “We got these other writers; don’t need Frank anymore.” Then what happens to ole Frankie-boy?

• And then there’s AI. Maybe it doesn’t even matter if more people get in the field because we’re all going to be replaced by those AI programs.

• They’re pretty dumb now. It can’t replace me just yet. But they’re getting better. Maybe they’ll figure it out and don’t even need human writers.

• I should be programming the AI. I used to be a programmer, and that’s where the future is — those AIs! I should have stayed a programmer and gotten in front of that field if I wanted to stay employed.

• But they’re replacing programmers, too! I mean, have you seen the code those things produce? Way prettier than mine. They’re not great at debugging yet, but they’re getting better.

• I feel so useless now. I spent decades getting experience in writing and computer programming, and both of those are getting replaced by what’s basically a souped-up version of that autocomplete you have on your iPhone.

• Those AI’s are so stupid and mindless. But also better than us. I’m scared about the future. I wish I could put into words the existential fear I’m feeling, but frankly, I’m not that great a writer. I don’t know what I’m even doing here.