All my best tips on how to be a great writer
Do you want to be a successful writer like me? Well, through my decades of writing, I’ve learned a few things, and here are my best tips on writing.
Frank J.’s Writing Tips
No, seriously. You want me to expand on that? Writing is aggravating and frustrating, stay away from it.
Really, don’t. It’s bad for your mental health — like smoking, but just affects your brain. You’re going to agonize over every word and always wondering whether everything you make it total garbage. Just stay away.
Try knitting. It’s calm and relaxing and doesn’t constantly make you feel like garbage.
Or wood-working. Something more manly. You don’t want this. You don’t know how much even just writing these little sentences is excruciating.
You don’t get it. You’re taking your random thoughts and trying to fit them into these boxes of words, but they never fit. It’s a constant trying to get square pegs in round holes. Awkward and inadequate.
Find an occupation where you make real money. Not only is writing difficult and frustrating, it doesn’t pay much.
Okay, I do alright. But you’re not going to end up like me. Who blogs and tweets for two decades and ends up writing TV shows out of nowhere? I’m the only story I know like that. Do something else.
Please, I’m begging you. It’s a very competitive field, and I don’t need even more competition.
You might be better than me. You wanted the truth? Well, that’s it; that’s what I’m worried about. Frankly, I worry everyone is better than me. “We got these other writers; don’t need Frank anymore.” Then what happens to ole Frankie-boy?
And then there’s AI. Maybe it doesn’t even matter if more people get in the field because we’re all going to be replaced by those AI programs.
They’re pretty dumb now. It can’t replace me just yet. But they’re getting better. Maybe they’ll figure it out and don’t even need human writers.
I should be programming the AI. I used to be a programmer, and that’s where the future is — those AIs! I should have stayed a programmer and gotten in front of that field if I wanted to stay employed.
But they’re replacing programmers, too! I mean, have you seen the code those things produce? Way prettier than mine. They’re not great at debugging yet, but they’re getting better.
I feel so useless now. I spent decades getting experience in writing and computer programming, and both of those are getting replaced by what’s basically a souped-up version of that autocomplete you have on your iPhone.
Those AI’s are so stupid and mindless. But also better than us. I’m scared about the future. I wish I could put into words the existential fear I’m feeling, but frankly, I’m not that great a writer. I don’t know what I’m even doing here.
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