Zelda's Legend

A story passed on for ages

The elder Hylian Bagu sat down on a chair by the fire while a half-dozen Hylian children sat on the floor before him.

“Tell us a story!” urged the young Nobo.

“Yes, we want a story!” added little Ita.

“Oh, all right,” said Bagu, acting like it was an imposition though telling stories was exactly what he wanted to do. “I’ll tell you the most important story in all of Hyrule.”

The children all stared at Bagu wide-eyed. “What is it?” asked Ita.

“The story I will tell you,” Bagu continued, “is the legend... of Zelda.”

The children all frowned.

Bagu was confused. “What is it?”

“Can’t you tell us the legend of Link?” Nobo asked.

Bagu furrowed his brow. “Who?”

“The guy who keeps saving Zelda and all of Hyrule,” explained Maro, a larger Hylian child.

“Oh, that guy,” said Bagu. “There’s not much to say about him. He just smashes a lot of pots for some reason.”

“And fights giant monsters!” Ita added.

“And solves puzzles in massive dungeons!” Nobo said.

“And gets magical items!” Maro stated.

“Okay, I guess there is all that,” Bagu admitted. “But it’s all a rather straightforward story. He does a number of impossible quests, gets the Master Sword, has more impossible quests against seemingly invincible boss monsters, and then has some massive final fight with Ganon. It’s hardly worth talking about. What is the most important story in Hyrule — the one we always focus on — is the legend of Zelda. That’s what I need to talk about.”

“Can we hear more about Ganon?” Maro asked. “Or Ganondorf — king of the Gerudo — who became Ganon? That has to be quite a story.”

Bagu shook his head. “The story of the path Ganondorf went down that led to him becoming an immortal and almost unstoppable force of ultimate evil is a long and complex story... and ultimately kind of boring. What you really want to hear about is Zelda.”

“How about Impa?” Ita suggested. “The warrior Sheikha who often protected Zelda. There must be some great stories about her.”

Bagu grimaced. “If there are, I don’t know them. Now, don’t you all want to hear the greatest legend of them all? The legendary legend of Zelda?”

“Sure,” the children said unenthusiastically.

Bagu smiled. “Here it is: the legend of Zelda. Once, there was a princess of Hyrule named Zelda. She had the triforce of Wisdom. And because of that, the evil Ganon kidnapped her.”

After some silence, Nobo asked, “And then what?”

Bagu seemed confused by the question. “I guess she was later rescued or something.”

“That’s not a legend!” Maro shouted. “That’s a setup for someone else to have a legend!”

“It’s an extremely famous legend,” Bagu retorted. “The most famous legend in all the land. Everyone has heard of it”

“Getting captured by the bad guy isn’t much of a legend,” Ita said.

Bagu rolled his eyes. “I guess you kids these days, with your short attention spans, expect a lot more whizbang in your legends, but that is the greatest legend in all of Hyrule and the one we’ve told from generation to generation. For countless eons, we’ve passed on the story of the princess who got herself captured by Ganon... and then I guess eventually got rescued or something.”

“It sucks!” Nobo objected.

“That’s it!” Bagu shouted. “Go out to the forest and fetch me a tree branch! A sturdy one that won’t break after a few hits!”

The soldier Edill burst in through the door. “The forces of Ganon are attacking!”

The children all looked frightened, but Bagu looked almost excited. “Ah, time for the current Princess Zelda to make a legend of her own. Has she been captured yet?”

“No, she’s leading an army to fight back against Ganon,” Edill answered.

Bagu grimaced. “What?”

“This should be quite a story,” Nobo said.

“I doubt it,” Bagu scoffed. “These modern-day action girl archetypes are so boring. Give me a good princess getting kidnapped any day. Now, kids, did I tell you about the ancestor of Princess Zelda... also named Princess Zelda?”

“Did she get kidnapped by Ganon?” a bored Ita asked.

“Yep!”