Giving into the Dark Side

Palpatine has second thoughts after enticing Anakin to the dark side

As Anakin Skywalker sat down beside Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, the opera went on before them with the big floating bubble center-stage.

“The Jedi don’t want you to know anything about the dark side,” Palpatine told Anakin. “But it could save your Padme.”

“But the dark side is evil,” Anakin objected.

“Not everything is so black and white as the Jedi have taught you.”

Anakin thought about this for a moment. “You know what? You’re right. I’m going to the dark side.”

Palpatine looked a little surprised. “Really? That’s it? You don’t need any more convincing? It’s kind of a big step.”

“Nah. This feels right to me.” Anakin stood up. “Now I need to go do something.”

“Right now?” Palpatine asked. “You don’t want to finish the opera?”

“No. It’s super boring. I know what I need to do, and I just want to get to it.”

“Oh. Well, great. Um... welcome to the dark side!”

Anakin nodded and ran off.

Palpatine settled in to watch the opera himself, but it was kind of boring. It was just a stupid bubble and weird sounds. He really only went to these things for secret evil meetings.

---

Palpatine sat at the desk in his office, going over all his evil plans, which he had organized into several color-coded folders for efficient evil.

Anakin ran into the office. There was a big smile on his face. “So, I murdered all the younglings at the Jedi Temple.”

Palpatine spit his blue Metamucil all over his desk. “You WHAT?!”

Anakin looked confused. “Well, I’m with the dark side now. So I murdered all the Jedi kids.”

Palpatine still couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Dark side means give into passion! It means seeking power! It doesn’t mean being a mindless psychopath!”

Anakin shrugged. “Just seemed like something I should do, you know, being who I am now. So, do I get like some new Darth name?”

“Get a new name?” Palpatine exclaimed, still trying to process what had happened. “I can’t even look at you right now! I thought convincing you to the dark side might mean you’d help get me info on what the Jedi are up to. I didn’t expect you to become a child murderer!”

“What’s the big deal?” Anakin said. “I’ve killed kids before.”

Palpatine’s jaw dropped. “You did? When?”

“On Tatooine,” Anakin explained. “I killed a bunch of Sand People, including kids.”

Palpatine held his head in his hands. “How did I not know about this? I thought you were an innocent, young Jedi motivated to save Padme. What will she think if she ever finds out about your child murder?”

Anakin scoffed. “She already knows about me killing the Sand People children.”

Again, Palpatine was shocked. “And what did she think about that?”

Anakin shrugged once more. “She didn’t seem to think it was a big deal.”

Palpatine was hyperventilating. “She didn’t?”

Just then, Padme walked into the office. “Hey, honey, what’s going on?” she asked Anakin.

“I was just telling Palpatine how I murdered all the younglings in the Jedi Temple to save you from some possible future death or something.”

Padme smiled. “You’re so sweet killing all those kids for me.” She embraced him and gave him a more sultry smile. “And you’re such a bad boy.”

“Yeah, I’m bad,” Anakin said, returning the smile. “I’m a child murderer.”

Palpatine just stared at the two with his mouth agape. Finally, Anakin looked at him. “Is something the matter?”

“Oh... uh... no,” Palpatine said, heading for the door. “But I have some business I need to attend to. I’ll... uh... see you later.” Palpatine went out the door and broke into a run. He then whispered into his communicator, “Get my shuttle ready.” 

---

Palpatine lowered the ramp on his shuttle and exited onto the alien planet. The whole place about him was a miserable swamp. It didn’t seem a great place to live, but it was unlikely anyone would find him here.

“Mmm, a visitor we have,” stated a little green man with a cane who walked up to the shuttle. “So what...” The green man stared a Palpatine more. “Oh, you it is.”

“Oh, hey, Yoda,” Palpatine said. “Didn’t expect to find you here.”

“Hiding I am from the destruction you’ve caused,” Yoda replied. “But what doing here are you?”

“Oh, yeah, well... I guess I didn’t exactly understand the character of who I was allying with,” Palpatine said. “Ends up that Anakin Skywalker is a grade-A genocidal psychopath, so I may have bitten off more than I can chew getting him to the dark side. So I thought I’d find a place to hide out until all that...” Palpatine motioned upward to space. “...resolves itself.”

“Well, already hiding on this planet I am,” Yoda answered. “Find another you must.”

Palpatine sighed. “Fine. Maybe I’ll head to Tatooine. That’s way out in the middle of nowhere.”

“Obi-Wan Kenobi is already hiding there,” Yoda told him.

“Really?” Palpatine thought a moment. “What about that planet with all the little rocky islands and the penguin-like things? Anyone there?”

“No one currently hiding out on that planet that I know of,” Yoda replied.

Palpatine nodded. “Okay, I’ll go there.” Palpatine grimaced. “Boy, you Jedi sure have a lot of planets for hiding out on.”

Yoda nodded. “Yes. Cowards we are.”