How to Defend from Any Attack Using a Simple Household Object
A quick self-defense course
I saw that Germans were teaching people how to fight a knife attack with a towel. That got me thinking how it would be nice to have a practical self-defense course for Americans using household objects we commonly have on hand.
So here is a special Frank J. self-defense course using an object every American has in his house:
A firearm!
Now, first get your firearm. If you can’t find a gun in your house, check a map and make sure you’re not actually in Canada. If you are, sorry, this self-defense course probably isn’t for you. Also, you may be arrested for reading this American Substack.
But if you are American, take your gun and I’ll walk you through a number of simple self-defense techniques for various situations.
SITUATION 1:
Someone is about to attack you with his fists.
SELF DEFENSE COUNTER:
Shoot him with your gun.
SITUATION 2:
A man is attacking you with a bat.
SELF-DEFENSE COUNTER:
Shoot him with your gun.
SITUATION 3:
Someone comes at you with a knife.
SELF-DEFENSE COUNTER:
Shoot him with your gun.
SITUATION 4:
Someone points a gun at you.
SELF-DEFENSE COUNTER:
Shoot him with your gun (but make sure you’re quick about it).
SITUATION 5:
A man approaches you with Communism.
SELF-DEFENSE COUNTER:
Shoot him with your gun.
There you go. Now you know how to defend yourself from any attack using a common household object. Be safe out there!
Pro tip: for Communism you probably need something more powerful than a revolver. I recommend an ICBM with multiple warheads. Self-propelled artillery at the very least, although there have been reports of limited success using drones and IEDs. Remember, there is no such thing as overkill in a situation like this.
For the life of me, when I talk to people who are already steeped in DEI and equitable outcomes (sadly somewhat common), I can't get them onboard with the "violence leveler." Putting Grandma on equal footing with "Thuglife" Gambino just makes sense!