Magical Names

Harry Potter may have discovered an easy way to find the villain

Harry, Ron, and Hermione huddled in the Hogwarts’s library, making sure no one was nearby listening.

“So, now we’re certain,” Hermione stated, “the Death Eater behind all the accidents happening at Hogwarts is one of the professors here. We just have to figure out who.”

“Why is it always on us kids to handle this stuff?” Ron asked. “Why don’t the adults ever do anything?”

“Stop asking silly questions and focus,” Hermione said. “Now, we’ve eliminated as suspects all professors except two. Thus we know the secret Death Eater is either Earnest Goodman or Lyman Deceivor.”

“But how do we figure out who he is before the end of the day and he unleashes his plan at the big feast?” Ron asked.

Harry finally spoke up. “I mean… isn’t the answer obvious?”

Hermione looked at him with surprise. “What do mean? We know very little about either of those professors to figure out who could be a Death Eater.”

“Okay, but… I mean, isn’t it most likely Lyman Deceivor?” Harry asked.

Ron furrowed his brow. “Why would you say that?”

“Well, his name,” Harry said.

“What’s a name have to do with it?” Hermione asked.

“I can’t be the only one who noticed this,” Harry said. “I thought it was a common wizarding thing with how names match people.”

Ron shook his head. “What do you mean?”

“Okay, let’s just look at some of our professors,” Harry said. “For instance, what is the name of the witch who teaches herbology? It’s Sprouts — like plants sprouting. And for Charms, it’s Flitwick — a very charmy little name. For arithmancy, Hermione, isn’t your teacher named Vector? Isn’t that a mathematics term?”

Hermione nodded. “It is a math term. But maybe hiring practices for Hogwarts are just to hire people whose name fits. Dumbledore is eccentric like that.”

“But the names sometimes also describe personality. There’s Severus Snape, whose name sounds like ‘severe’ and he is,” Harry continued. “And the other year we had Remus Lupin, and Remus is the name of a founder of Rome who was raised by wolves and Lupin just means ‘wolf,’ and guess what? He was a werewolf! And it’s not just professors, either. Look at Draco Malfoy… or better, yet, his father, Lucius Malfoy. I mean, his name is basically ‘Lucifer Badman’ …and he is a very bad man.”

“But not everyone’s name describes them,” Ron objected. “I mean, you’re not a hairy guy who makes pots, Harry Potter.”

“No, I guess not,” Harry admitted.

“And my name is Weasely, but I’m not like a weasel, am I?”

No one said anything immediately. Hermione put two fingers close together. “Little bit.”

“Anyway, we know the Death Eater is pretending to be a professor,” Harry stated, “and that professor is either Earnest Goodman or Lyman Deceivor. With little time left, I think we focus on the guy whose name basically says he’s a lying deceiver.”

“It’s unorthodox,” Hermione said. “But we have little time, so let’s focus on Professor Deceivor.”

Ron shook his head. “This just feels wrong for some reason. Like we’re looking through the Matrix.”

“Ron,” Harry exclaimed, “it’s 1994 — we don’t get that reference. Now let’s catch Deceivor.”

---

”Well, yeh kids did it!” Hagrid exclaimed to the kids during the big feast. “Usually we never wrap things up with this much of the school year left. So, how did you know that Professor Deceivor was really the Death Eater?”

Harry smiled. “Let’s just say we had a hunch.”

“Well, luckily an Auror showed up right ‘way to take away Deceivor,” Hagrid said. “Never met ‘em before, though. Someone named Conspiro Phalseauror.”

Harry, Ron, and Hermione shook their heads. “Oh no.”

“What?”