Winchester in a Top Hat
Plus a special announcement
Well, we did it. We got enough paid subscribers to finally — finally — afford little Winchester that top hat he desperately needs. And in thanks to everyone, I’m going to share pictures of him in that top hat. Also, I have a special announcement…
We grifted you! I acted like a top hat for a baby was super expensive, but it doesn’t cost very much at all! So now Winchester and I are going to split all that money we got from you and spend it on fancy watches — the really expensive kind that only tell you the time and not whether someone just texted you.
It was so easy, too. I just went to Winchester and said, “Hey, I got a scheme to get everyone’s money out there on the internet.” And, of course, the only thing Winchester loves more than Cocomelon is a good grift. So I took some pictures of him and told him to really play up in them how much he wasn’t wearing a top hat, and you all fell for it!
I’m just lucky none of you googled “baby top hat” and saw this is one of the oldest grifts in the book. It goes all the way back to the 1920s when it was invented by the Tennessee Kid. “Subscribe to my newsletter so I can finally afford my young child a top hat.” Ah. So simple, yet so effective.
And now all you get out of this scam is pictures of Winchester in a top hat.
Seriously, though, I know lots of people like to share pictures of their kids, but Winchester really is a special little guy, and I would feel very accomplished if I could share a fraction of the joy he brings us. I wish I could send you all a Winchester hug.
And thank you so much to all the people who have subscribed. It means a lot to me to have this space to explore all the weird and silly ideas I have, and I hope you enjoy what I continue to come up with.
And on a much more serious note, you may have noticed in all the pictures of Winchester there is something wrong with his eyes: His eyes are lacking a monocle. Now, I asked my accountant (my wife) what it would take to afford Winchester a monocle, and she said we’d need at least double the paid subscribers we have now. So please tell everyone about Frank Talk and help Winchester get that monocle he desperately needs.
I feel like I am getting more value here than in the stock market, so as far as grifting goes, I’m good with this kind.
Okay, this totally made my day. All that couponing was worth it.