I Am Running for President in 2024

This is my official announcement

I have a big announcement to make today: I am officially¹ running for president of this great nation in 2024.²

And why not? I’m Constitutionally eligible. I’m over 35. I was born in the U. S. of A.³ That’s really all there is to that.

And what does my running for President mean? Hopefully not much. You see there are a lot of people who run for president who then fundraise and go give speeches and such, and it’s like, why do they want the power so badly? That’s kind of suspicious.

But I’m not like that. I don’t care that much. I’m just writing this post, and that’s it. And then you can vote for me if you want. I guess you can write in my name or something; I don’t know how it works. You have to figure that out; I’m not doing that work for you as I am a busy man.⁴

So what would my administration⁵ be like? Well, here’s what I will do day one if elected president:

The Frank J. Fleming Administration, Day One

1. Setup direct deposit for my pay

And that’s it. I have no other plans. If possible, I’m not even going to move to D.C. as that $400,000 a year salary will stretch a lot further in the midwest⁶ if they finally get with the times and allow remote work for President. Because this will be the main policy of my administration: You leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone.

“What if a crisis happens?” you may ask. Well, here’s an idea: Handle it yourself. I’m not your mommy. I’m not there to wipe your nose. Wipe your own nose.

Now, if Canada invades, I’ll do something⁷, but anything short of that, everyone has to handle their own problems. Don’t you whine to me; I will punch you in the face. Again, you leave me alone, I’ll leave you alone.

Well, that’s it. I announced I’m running for President. And that’s all I’m doing. Vote for me if you feel like it. Whatever; I don’t care. Actually, that’s my campaign slogan.

“Fleming ‘24: Whatever; I don’t care”

Actually, the more I think about it, the more I don’t even like the hassle⁸ of getting elected. Which probably means I’m perfect for the job. But I don’t care; I have other stuff to do.

1. I mean, I’m announcing on my Substack. I don’t know if I actually register somewhere or something; I didn’t do that.

2. BTW, I found out you can do footnotes in Substack articles.

3. This will come out in the muckraking, so I might as well admit it now: I was born in California. But that still counted as America back in the late 70s.

4. I am writing kids shows for Daily Wire, I’m working on the next Superego novel, I’m writing this Substack, I got four kids to deal with, and video games won’t beat themselves.

5. I kind of like these footnotes and it’s possible I might overdo this as a bit. If so, I’m sorry. But not that sorry.

6. Well, currently I’m in Texas and might stay here, but I’ve always felt I was a midwest American at heart (despite where I was born).

7. I’ll call up the military and say, “Hey, Canada’s invading.” I guess that’s more their problem.

8. Eh; I’m kinda bored of these footnotes now.