A Lady's Guide to Protecting Yourself from Male Feminists
Any man who expresses respect for women is a danger and you need to protect yourself
There is a predator out there seeking to do harm to women. He’s known as the “male feminist.”
It’s constantly happening that men who loudly proclaim to be feminists end up being exposed as sexual predators, but is every man who purports to be a feminist a sexual predator? Yes. Absolutely. All normal men think feminism is dumb, so the only men who would pretend to like it are devious and up to no good.
That’s why if a man ever comes up to you and expresses respect for women, you have to realize you are in immediate danger and MUST ACT NOW.
But don’t worry. I like women (but in a patronizing way — not a feminist way) and so have made this guide to help protect you from all the male feminists out there.
A Lady’s Guide to Handling Male Feminists
If…
A man approaches you and says, “I respect women.”
You…
Say, “I respect the 2nd Amendment,” and pull out a gun.1
If…
A man walks up to you and says, “I believe in a woman’s right to choose.”
You…
Say, “I choose violence!” and hit him with a baseball bat.2
If…
A man approaches you and says, “I’m somewhat of a feminist myself.”
You…
Say, “Now you’re somewhat bleeding!” and slash him with a knife.3
If…
A man says to you, “I think there should be more women CEOs.”
You..
Say, “I think there should be more of you screaming!” and spray him in the eyes with pepper spray.4
If…
A man looks you in the eye and says, “I support women.”
You…
Say, “Now you’ll need crutches for support!” and hit him with your car.5
If…
A man puts his hand on your shoulder and says, “This may shock you, but I think the world would be a better place if women were in charge.”
You…
Say, “This will shock you,” and zap him with a stun gun.6
There you go — now you ladies know how to protect yourself from male feminists and anyone else who claims to respect women.
If you’re a lady and need tips for other situations, check out these lady’s guides:
A Lady’s Guide to Fighting Vicious Animals
As the smartest person you know, I believe it’s incumbent on me to sometimes do news analysis to help you understand things. So there was this YouGov survey on fighting animals, and it had an interesting result when it came to men versus women in assessing their own ability to fight animals barehanded.
A Lady's Guide to Landing a Plane in an Emergency Situation
So I’m afraid there has been another YouGov survey showing that today’s women lack the confidence they need to succeed.
You’ll need to purchase a gun from a gun store.
Baseball bats can be purchased from a sporting goods store.
Knives are found in the cutlery drawer.
I think you can buy pepper spray at the gun store, but I’m not sure why you would when the gun is right there.
Cars are purchased at car dealerships.
I don’t know where you get tasers — Sears?
I've never respected women, so you gals know you're safe around me.
Hahah laughed all the way through this thanks Frank